We took some pieces of writing to class and we read it to our groups. I read The World Was Still Rotating and I got some suggestions. Here, the correction I made to the poem.
The World Was Still Rotating
Some autumn leaves were falling from the trees
While others were travelling through the air.
The wind was still blowing and the sun still shining.
Dad with his hands on his eyes, silently shivering
And mom next to me, holding my hand with strength.
A repulsive atmosphere around us, I didn’t want to be there.
Cars drove through the highway, birds still flying.
Outside people were talking on the phone,
Many others laughing, while water was still moving.
Some relatives with eyes opened wide, shaking,
And some pale faces; prayers and weeping I could hear.
No-one cared, no-one knew, just you and your people.
The day your soul was free, the sun was still shining.
In the moment your heart stopped beating, and when
No more air entered to your lungs; we were next to you.
Outside no-one cared, no-one knew, who ever care of strangers?
Inside, all sitting around you: your people and me, wiping.
The day when you died, the world was still rotating.