lunes, 7 de enero de 2008

Just letting thoughts come out

I’ve just closed the book I’m reading and it seems English is stuck to me. The book is in English, it’s the second book in my second language I’ve read since classes were over. It’s the second book in English I read just because I want to and there’s no teacher making me read it.

I feel fine, but there’s still something strange inside of me. I want silence, I need it. I’m watching everything in a different way. Just as if I were a different person. I remember my grandmas yesterday wishing me to have a great time in Punta del Este and to take care. It’s 4 pm. The sky is getting dark. My neighbour is mowing the lawn. He’s making such a loud noise! And I was looking for silence. I am in silence.

I feel fine. I feel comfortable with myself. The three Wise Men have been unfair this time. Only one present. A great book. And for my little brother four wrapped-up-with-colourful-patterns presents. I’m not complaining, I’m not jealous, but it depressed me. Is it that I am growing up? This year I’ve grown too much it seems. It’s been a grand year, full of lessons and self discoveries. Growing up. I guess I’m old enough to stop receiving presents from the three Wise Men.

I’m not depressed. This character is. Holden Caulfield, you’re a good guy, much like me in some ways. I feel sorry for you. You’ve just told me you felt like committing suicide. Hold on, boy. You shouldn’t. Holden, my new friend, a character, the one who’s accompanying me in this silence today.

I feel damn happy with yesterday’s news. But it’s not the time to continue jumping all over my house. I feel silence today. I guess this guy is infecting me with some of his goddam dirty words. I’ve gotta go back to my formal English.

I feel I’m going to Holden’s life again. This place is not for me now. The first drops are starting to fall from the clouds above and the hotness is still unbearable. Goodbye everyone. I want to know what’s next in Holden’s life in New York, wishing every second I could be there someday.

Book I’m reading: The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger

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